


jailbird

by junhuiwishes



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor, Some Humor, happy birthday hongjoong sorry i let u get arrested in this story i love u, hongjoong is a panicky little man, i had no idea where i was going with this, they are all gays, they had a contest to see who could eat the most in a minute, wooyoung and san got stoned on vitamin c tablets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:55:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27427522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junhuiwishes/pseuds/junhuiwishes
Summary: Jongho tells the boys that he got Hongjoong arrested. He swears it was on accident.
Relationships: Choi Jongho & Everyone, Choi Jongho & Kim Hongjoong, Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang, Jung Wooyoung/Song Mingi, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 6
Kudos: 83





	jailbird

When Jongho came barging through the door that led to their shared apartment, sweat clinging to his shirt and hair damp, the rest were cooking something and watching a rerun of The Nun play in the background as Mingi and Wooyoung had yet another thigh fight on the floor. 

_Seriously, weren't they ever tired?_ Jongho swallows nervously, thinking about any future events to occur which might include Seonghwa yelling at him. 

He looked around, mind a little cloudy from what just happened, itching to tell someone, but he had to make sure whoever he told was someone sensible. 

So not Wooyoung then.

He tried to take a deep breath in to calm himself as Wooyoung screeched when Mingi had pressed against his thighs too hard, making the bones in the sides of his knees slam together. 

"Ow! Fuck! Mingi-" Wooyoung glared directly at the older man. 

The thigh fight had right then and there, progressed into Wooyoung tickling Mingi where it would hurt the most, his sides. 

The yelps and pleas that Mingi felt crawl from his throat did not do much at all to alleviate the flushed red on his face, embarrassed that he had been reduced to a squirming mess under his boyfriend's fingers when he had so valiantly won the thigh fight. 

Yunho suddenly let out a scream at the nun that was getting her face violently eaten off and Jongho jolted at that. He glanced at the TV, wincing at whatever the fuck was playing. He felt his insides shiver. Why are movies like this now?

Yeosang was shopping for picnic baskets online, lazily scrolling through what looked like some incredibly poorly made wicker baskets. This reminded Jongho that their anniversary was coming up soon because it was reminiscent of their fourth date (not first, like Yeosang always chides him for for forgetting) when they had a very romantic picnic on campus, shrouded in the mysterious dark of night. Or evening because campus security would've chased them off in the wee hours of early morning. 

This was stressing out Jongho way too much. 

Jongho peered into the kitchen where San and Seonghwa were cooking what smelled like his favourite tteokbokki. He let a small gasp of air escape his mouth, because he realised Hongjoong hyung was supposed to be _here. At home. With them. His best friends and boyfriend who was going to kill Jongho._ Not behind bars at the state county jail. 

_I'm fucked_ , he thinks to himself. 

_God, they're going to fucking kill me._

Seonghwa notices Jongho's brown hair peeking out from the frame of the kitchen door and beams, waving for him to come over. 

"Jongho! When'd you get home? I made the tteokbokki you liked! Come try it first," Jongho had forced out an awkward smile, mind going at a thousand miles as he tried formulating the best way possible to tell his Seonghwa-hyung that his boyfriend was in jail because of lil' ol' him. 

Seonghwa raised a wooden spoon with tteokbokki piled on it, or as much as the tiny spoon could hold any way (they had to save money and the large spoons would've cost them two dollars extra. Two dollars that they didn't have when they were furnishing this house.) to Jongho's bottom lip, lightly pressing against it to get him to open up. 

And Jongho does exactly that, slowly chewing on the soft rice cake. 

"Good right? We should be allowed to enter Mastercooks right now," San beamed. 

"It's Masterchefs, idiot. And this tteokbokki is instant." Seonghwa rolled his eyes, muttering out a response to the man beside him, who was clearly not cut out for kitchen work. 

"Oh. Then why the fuck was it so hard to make?" San whined in response, shifting his body to face Jongho. Using the silver teaspoon grapsed tightly in his hand, he used it to point to his black shirt, where the bottom half was completely covered in tteokbokki sauce. 

"Wow." Jongho said, nonplussed as he could only could make out one syllable as he pondered on what to say to the rest. 

The smell of the tteokbokki slowly wafts out into their living room and settles like a gentle cloud over the rest of the boys. 

"Are you cooking something? I'm hungry!" Wooyoung yelled as he leapt of Mingi, eliciting a sigh of relief as the taller's entire lower body ached, lying flat on the ground to catch his breath. 

"We've been cooking for the past hour, Wooyoung-ah..." Seonghwa raised an eyebrow as Wooyoung gleefully bounced into the kitchen. 

Now it was Jongho's turn to raise an eyebrow. 

"Really? You took a whole hour to make instant tteokbokki?" He questioned and folded his arms across his chest as Yunho put his arms on his shoulders to get a good look at what was cooking, squinting and for some reason, tiptoeing. 

The man was six feet tall, for fucks sake. Yunho hyung truly was an enigma. 

"Fuck off, I put a lot of effort into making this. Next time, you try it then and you better do it good or I'm projectile vomiting it all over you," San pouted and jabbed Jongho in the chest, causing the younger to groan out and his hands immediately stretched out in front of his chest, to prevent any further attacks. 

Yeosang walks in slowly and lays his eyes upon his boyfriend, immediately wrapping his arms around his waist, waving Yunho off as the tallest pressed his lips into a thin line. A disgusted expression settled onto his face, and proceeded to pretend to retch at the sight of the two. 

Honestly, Jongho thought someone would've noticed Hongjoong missing by now. Guess not.

Do you think they would have to live as seven now because Jongho never plucked up the courage to tell them that Hongjoong was now a man belonging to the state, and the rest of his very dense best friends would just think he was taking a long time at the Apple store where he was supposed to take Jongho to get his iPhone fixed? 

Yeah, that could work. 

"Hey, where's Hongjoong?" San asked as he stirred the pot of sauce to prevent it from thickening too much. 

Oh for fucks sake. 

Oh well. There goes his chance at living life normally. Stupid curious San and his stupid face and stupid jawline. 

Fuck, he should just tell them all, shouldn't he? Jongho couldn't think of a single, valid reason why he shouldn't let all six other boys know, so he cracked his knuckles and attempted to quickly sift around for euphemisms in his head that he got Hongjoong-hyung arrested. 

"I.. Uh..." Jongho tried to conceptualise the ideal words for the ideal scenario to take place but nothing was happening except for very suspicious stammers and stutters tumbling out of his mouth. 

"I-I... He's in, um.. Jail?" Jongho's eyes glistened with wet tears. Not long enough, fat tear droplets rolled down his pink cheeks as he apologised to Seonghwa for landing his boyfriend in jail. 

Jongho's eyes were shiny as the light of day hit him, making it all the more obvious that his eyes were glistening. 

Yeosang's first instinct was to pat him on the back as Jongho full on burst into tears, leaving a shell-shocked Seonghwa at the stove, slowly turning the fire off. 

Attempting to help their maknae out, Wooyoung, San, Yunho and Mingi chanted "don't cry", which really just made the situation all the more absurd because in their kitchen, they had a crying male and his boyfriend, still snuggled together, four useless fools (as Jongho liked to call them), that were getting louder by the second as each word passed their mouths.

And then we had the boyfriend of the incarcerated Hongjoong, who looked positively comical with how his Hello Kitty apron slung around him, a strap falling off his shoulder, wooden spoon in hand, mouth and eyes wide open. 

Yeosang then turns to him in shock as well. Jongho then felt the hem of Yeosang's fuzzy sweater, which was, well, Jongho's fuzzy sweater, because his boyfriend had gone so far as to _steal_ it from his wardrobe, dry his tears. Yeosang tightened his grip around Jongho's waist. 

"Don't cry, baby, we'll fix this." Yeosang said softly into Jongho's ear, the warmth of his breath offering him reassurance. 

"What? The fuck?" Seonghwa slowly turned to look at him from where he was facing the stove. 

Jongho slumped his shoulders and nestled a little more into Yeosang's hold for comfort and protection, because if Seonghwa was going to murder him, he should at least die in the hands of his lover. 

"LOL. My dad always told me, if you find yourself in jail, you've made it. Oh, and that he wouldn't bail me out, LMAO," Wooyoung commented. 

"Wooyoung, if I hear another LOL or LMAO coming out your mouth, I'm going to shove this up your ass." San wagged his teaspoon in Wooyoung's face, brows furrowed and eyed narrowing into slits. 

"Sorry, that's Mingi's job," Wooyoung giggled as he settled his head into the older's chest, hands on Mingi's as he pulls him into wrap his hands around Wooyoung's vastly smaller frame. Mingi blushes and suddenly, the fridge is the most intriguing thing to ever exist, refusing to make eye contact with any of them.

"Baby, what? Hongjoong got arrested?" Yeosang used his hand thst was resting on Jongho's chest to shift Jongho's face by the chin so he could look at him. Jongho nodded slowly.

"Fuck wait, you aren't kidding?" Seonghwa's eyes widened in slight distress, heart pounding against his ribcage. 

"LMAO, what's hyung in for?" Yunho laughed, leaning against the kitchen counter, way too casual for a man that was just told his best friend and platonic soulmate was in jail.

Well actually, now that Jongho thinks about it, Yunho had a very reasonable reaction.

" He uh... I-.. He accidentally socked a police officer on the head after I made him trip and um... Is now behind bars? I uh, spilt my coffee and you know how Hongjoong hyung's shoes have absolutely no friction? Yeah, well.. Um, he slipped and right in front of his was an officer. So he rammed into the policeman and like, fucking.. Tackled him."

"I-" Mingi quizzically raised an eyebrow while San and Yunho gripped the kitchen counter to steady themselves, having way too much fun listening to their friend's demise. 

"Yeah, and the policeman got angry and cuffed him. Hongjoong-hyung was hysterical as he got shoved into the cop car. He was crying and pleading the officer to let him off and then he begged me through the car window to get someone to come bail him out. The fact that he was resisting didn't help his case either." Jongho cringed as he recalled the entirety of the events that had transpired that fateful morning. 

"Oooh", Yeosang winced at that. Resisting arrest was never going to help. That he knew. 

Jongho was prepared for the rapid fire questions and chorus of "what the fuck's". And soon enough, in less than a span of a millisecond, there they came.

"LMAO." 

"Wooyoung, shut the fuck up." 

"I would say make me but that's also Mingi's job." 

"To.. Make you?" A very confused Mingi responds. 

"Guys, shut up, this is the most interesting thing that happened this year."

"Really, you've had something more interesting happen in previous years? I don't see that happening." 

"Fuck you, Sangie." 

"That's Jongho's job, Yunho."

Jongho now had his head in his hands, a warm blush spreading across his cheeks. But he quickly snapped himself out of it.

This was _not_ the time for fucking. This was time for saving. Hongjoong that is. But while he was on the topic, he'd also like to save some money because fixing his iPhone took so, _so_ much out of his wallet. 

But hey, at least he had one win today.

"At least I got my iPhone fixed." Jongho cheerily whispered to Yeosang, happy that none of his hyungs had killed him just yet. Yeosang laughed and kissed him on the temple. 

"Oh my god, shut the fuck up, all of you. This is amazing. Hyung, can I Instagram this?" Mingi tugged on Seonghwa's sleeve, eyes droopy and bottom lip jutting out, as if to plead with Seonghaa whether he could record the best thing that had ever happened to him. Next to Wooyoung, of course. 

"Well shit, we gotta go bail hyung out then." San grabbed his and Seonghwa's coat, throwing the older's coat to him, which smacked him right in the stomach. An action which Seonghwa did _not_ appreciate. 

The rest frantically rush to put their shoes on and grab their wallets on that note, leaving Yunho and Wooyoung trailing behind talking about fucking... Final Fantasy IV? 

Jongho hated it here, but no one was yelling at him, so he forced the snot threatening to leak from his nose back in, mortified that he cried over pretty much nothing. He wouldn't ever say that to Seonghwa or Hongjoong they. He liked his ears and limbs intact as they were. 

Seonghwa was still in shock and had to be led by a still sniffling and extremely guilty Jongho and a too-gleeful Mingi to the door. 

"Guys, let's go! Get your shoes on! Before the clock strikes midnight and Hongjoong stays in the pumpkin prison forever!"

"Wooyoung, how stoned are you?"

"He had a lot of Vitamin C tablets," Mingi offered helpfully. 

Seonghwa resisted the urge to roll his eyes for what seemed like the fourteenth time that day. Anymore eyerolling and his eyes would probably pop out of their sockets. 

"Let's go break our little jailbird Joong-hyung out!" San's little fist punched the air as he skipped over to Yunho's side to get the taller to engage in a very long awaited debate about the importance of princes in Disney movies. 

"So did San." Yunho said, arm wrapping around San's shoulders, his arm rubbing up and down the smaller's petite frame. 

"It was a best friends bonding session!" Wooyoung countered, and huffed, displeased that everyone was talking about them like they weren't here. 

Everyone just groaned and shook their heads as they walked to the subway with Seonghwa's steps being just a tad faster and a tad more hasty in wanting to depart so he could save his boyfriend from whatever cold cell they were keeping him in.

Yeosang told him that he was being a dramatic nutcase, and that it had only been a few hours ever since what will henceforth be dubbed The Incident.

Seonghwa rolled his eyes. 

Thankfully, they don't pop out of his sockets. All he gets in return though, is a headache from the excessive eyerolling at the expense of his very idiotic friends. 

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday to my favourite and best leader! also how does this have more kudos than my other ateez fics this is absolute garbage but on the other hand... i DID try really hard to make this good....


End file.
